The Ang Pau Giving Guide

I wish someone shared this with me before I got hitched so I can ‘educate’ some uninitiated guests on the ang pau giving protocol. While it’s a bit too late for me and rif, it’s still not too late for those who are getting married to take note of this.

To the Chinese, ang pau symbolizes prosperity they are given during weddings as a good blessing to the couple. Of course, the content of the red packet matters – it helps the newly-weds offset their wedding dinner cost. I’m not saying you have to fork out and arm and a leg for the ang pau, but at least be reasonable when giving them.

Please don’t attend a wedding dinner at a 5-star hotel with a family of 10 and give a RM500 ang pau or worse, come empty handed. That’s just ridiculous. For those of you who don’t know how much wedding dinners cost these days, here’s a rough guide*:

Based on my experience in calling at least 20 hotels and 5 Chinese restaurants for my wedding dinner last year (November 2011), here’s my rough estimate of how much a wedding dinner cost per pax (factor-in an increase of 5-10% for year 2012).

Other factors that can affect the above:

• If the wedding is on Mon-Thurs: Give 90 – 95% of the weekend rate.
• If your sibling or best friend is getting married: Add 50%.
• If your ex or frenemy is getting married: Deduct 50%. *If it were my ex, I wouldn’t give an ang pau.
• If the wedding couple gave you a lousy sum when you got married: It’s payback time!
• If you obviously got a last-minute, fill-seat invite: Deduct 30%.
• If you RSVP-ed but can’t make it at the last minute: You still need to give an ang pau; at least 50% of the amount. It’s not nice to have empty seats on the couple’s big day.
• If you are a thrifty guest but want ‘face’: Call the hotel beforehand and ask for the rates.

*Note that this also depends on your budget. Give what you can afford and I'm sure the bride and groom are more than happy that you're there for their big day.

So now that you know how much weddings cost these days, do give accordingly when you attend future weddings. For those who are getting married, send a gentle reminder to your guests don't expect the ang pau to cover the cost of your dinner. That way, you can spare yourself the teeth-gritting later on.

Hope this helps!

Wei Jien + Sue Lynn's Wedding Highlights

Our wedding videographer Nigel has a gift for choosing all the right songs for wedding videos. He selected all the three songs for our video and they were perfect for rif and I. It goes to show that he understands the subject matter, or in our case, the people he was filming very well. I love the outcome of our wedding highlights. Important details were captured and special moments were documented candid-style.

Kudos to Ren, who was filming on rif’s side when he was getting ready to pick me up. Love the shot of rif putting on his shirt and the close-up shot of his ring when he was wearing his shoes. By the way, my wedding shoes were 5 inches high and while I love them to bits, they were a torture to wear. My dinner heels were 6 inches high, because

I'm short
rif is so tall! Nigel’s storyboard on the wedding highlight is slightly different from what I expected, but I like it that way. He never fails to surprise me with his creativity. Thank you Nigel Sia and team, for being so wonderful to work with. rif and I can’t wait for full edit of the actual day.

Wei Jien + Sue Lynn // Wedding Highlights (2011) from Nigel Sia on Vimeo.

For all you future brides, email (hello@nigelsia.com) or call (016-384 4617) Nigel quickly if you want him to film your big day. This guy is a busy busy bee!

Check out Nigel's other videos here.

FEATURE: Our Wedding in KL Lifestyle

A bit of self pimping:
Go check out our wedding feature in KL Lifestyle, January 2012 issue! :)

FOR SALE - Lace Wedding Gown

Prior to my wedding day, I did a pre-wedding shoot with Yang Shan of Poopeson Images just because I’m vain. The wedding gown belongs to a friend who very kindly allowed me to use for photography purposes. Anyway, this gown is up for sale (and it's new - I only wore it for this photography session) so if you’re interested, email me!

Gown description:


This deep V-neck full lace gown is a Spanish design which features an elongated bodice which effortlessly flatters the figure. The detailing is impeccable – romantic ivory lace, delicate floral embroidery and a low V-back. Very elegant, demure yet sexy with romantic touches. A beautiful marriage of vintage and sophistication.

Gown details:

• Fits UK6-8 or US 2-4
• Ivory (Colour)
• Low back
• Deep V-neck front
• Full lace
• Floral embroidery
• Mermaid cut, with cascading medium-length train
• Comes with padding (removable)
• Pearl beading along the neckline

Price: RM1,500

*Photos by Poopeson Images

Wei Jien + Sue Lynn // This Way Darling (2011)

This video is a great narration of our love story...by Nigel Sia & team. It was showcased to our guests during the wedding dinner. I think Nigel and his team did a great job -- all the planning, doing up the storyboard and the long 12-hour day of video shoot really paid off!

Once again, I present to you our love story...by Nigel Sia & team!

Wei Jien + Sue Lynn // This Way Darling (2011) from Nigel Sia on Vimeo.

*Check out our ROM video here!

ROM Pictures

My photography team has a lot of pictures to edit from my actual wedding day, so here are the pictures of our ROM last month while waiting for them to get back to me.

Wei Jien & Sue Lynn's ROM

I can't get over how beautiful the flower decor was that day. Thank you Garden of Senses! And the food from Spasso Milano was delicious. Thank you Daniel, Pierre, Angelo and team!

Planning A Wedding Is Fun

Go figure.

A walk down memory lane…and our wedding vows

 A year ago, he popped the question and I said "Yes". Since then, our lives revolved around planning and budgeting for our big day. That day is about to arrive, and things are slowly coming together. We've been through more ups and downs (planning a wedding takes a toll on the relationship), gone to a beneficial marriage preparation course, marriage registration/ROM, countless of gown fittings, photo shoots and getting used to our newly wed status.

To view the proposal story, click here. To view the story on FACES Magazine, click here. For our ROM video, click here.

If you want to know more, stay tuned. I will be constantly updating this blog and our wedding blog on our wedding journey. Hopefully, couples who are about to tie the knot in future can gain some knowledge and learn from our stumbles. :)

R.O.M Video

Our R.O.M was attended by family members and close friends. rif and I decided on everything -- the venue, flowers, decor, cake, wines and food. I wore a gold Herve Leger with Zara heels and my neck piece was a gift from Mori Pin. My manicure and pedicure were courtesy of Urban Spring.

Everyone had a good time (I hope!), including us both. We also had time to catch up with each and every one of our guest because it was a relatively small gathering. Garden of Senses asked what was my favourite colour, and I replied, "Baby blue". Jackie immediately got to work and came up with the beautiful decor. Nice right? :)

I also had a good team (Andy Kho and Nigel Sia), who documented the whole ceremony in the best way possible. Andy's photos will be shown to my guests during the wedding dinner (and later on, in my blog).

I am however, releasing the R.O.M video by Nigel Sia. He's very dedicated in delivering the best work possible and I'm pleased with the video outcome. According to my wedding planner, he was at the venue since 7.30am to get ready for the video.

Another thing I like about Nigel is his understanding of my favourite angles and features. Yes, I'm rather demanding in that sense. The colours were lovely and he captured everything so beautifully, I teared while watching the video. *sniff sniff*

I thought the Love Story video he did for our wedding dinner (to be released on the blog after the wedding dinner) was good, but this was even better! Nigel, I really think this is your best work yet. Can't wait for the video of the actual day. By then you should be damn pro already, hor? :D

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Nigel Sia's hard work…along with his team members. Enjoy!

Wei Jien + Sue Lynn // ROM Highlights (2011) from Nigel Sia on Vimeo.

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 5)

Keeping Love Alive - What is your love language?

In my wedding vow to Wei Jien, I promised be his confidant. That was after learning how important it is to be a friend to your spouse. Friends confide in each other, spend time together and have conversations together. Wei Jien was first my friend, before we started dating, so naturally, we shared a lot of common interests together.


We'd go for food trips, mini vacations, coffee sessions, window shopping and watch TV series. During the fifth session of TMPC, we learnt about love languages and how each individual has a different love language. Often, our love language is different from our partner's so we need to understand that and take the effort to show it often.


For me, my love languages are "time" and "words". I feel happy when Wei Jien spends time with me and talks to me. I also love compliments and words of encouragement. Wei Jien's love languages are "touch" and "words". He likes receiving hugs and kisses, as well as words of encouragement and praise.


And in every strong marriages, sex plays an important role. Putting aside one night stands and random shag buddies, sex is communication at the deepest level. It is an expression of love within the marriage. I learnt that the key to a good sexual relationship is to talk about it -- your expectations, your thoughts and your problems (if any). Sex isn't a race or a competition. Every marriage is unique, so never compare yourselves with another couple.


This session made me realise that Wei Jien knows me better than I know myself -- he always knew that my love language was time. And he makes an effort to spend as much time as he can with me. :)

R.O.M - October 8, 2011

A few pictures from our R.O.M at Spasso Milano last Saturday courtesy of Mike & Jo Cyee. I thought the ceremony went well -- our close friends were there, the decor was gorgeous, the food was good (that's very important to me) and our cake was lovely.

Will be posting more pictures soon, once I get them from Andy. Stay tuned! :)

Before our R.O.M...

The R.O.M is tomorrow. Actually, it's in a few hours time. I think my jitters got worse when I filled in a form last week, and came to the column, "Single or Married". That freaked me out a bit, as I knew that would probably be the last time I tick on the "Single" tickbox.

Wei Jien is asleep, but I'm still up rehearsing my wedding vows. Took me a while to write the vows, and SIX amendments. I'm a seasoned food writer, but definitely not a wedding vow writer. I decided the last wedding vow I wrote was the right one. Thought of it two days ago...on the LRT ride home.

Anyway, my dress has been dry-cleaned, flower arrangement sorted and Jo Cyee just told me the ROM cake is ready. I will be wearing accessories by Mori Pin (given to me as a wedding gift) and the dress will be revealed tomorrow.

Wish us both luck!

Wedding Video - Introduction

Wei Jien + Sue Lynn // Follow Them from Nigel Sia on Vimeo.

Hey all,

We are getting hitched really soon. 
Keep watching this space for more info!

Xoxo,

Sue Lynn & Wei Jien

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 4)

Resolving Conflict

Conflict happens to us all the time and it gets more frequent when we enter a marriage. That’s because we’re all different and selfish by nature. In our marriage preparation course, Wei Jien and I learnt how to identify and deal with our differences. When we did the personality test during the first session of TMPC, one of our weaknesses was our inability to resolve conflicts effectively.

First, we identified the type of anger we have – rhino (explode) and hedgehog (bury). We both have rhino and hedgehog tendencies, but in general, I’m more of a rhino and he’s more of a hedgehog. Next, we were encouraged to look for solutions to the problems we faced.

The important thing we both learnt in this session was never to use words like, “You always…” and “You never…”. Many couples are guilty of making this mistake and it is going to take time (and effort) to change this. We're still guilty of making this mistake, but hope to overcome this in time. Prior to this, either one of us would have give in to the other whenever we faced conflict. This “I win, you lose” situation got us through the years, but it was hardly ideal. Now, we sit down, talk and listen to one another, and identify the issue. Once we agree on an action plan, we work on it together.

Marriage involves sharing everything. We’re moving from “I”, to “us”. It’s no longer my money, my car and my home. Instead we have to look at things from an “us” perspective – our money, our car and our home. That’s going to be difficult for many people, especially if you’ve been living independently for a long time. We also addressed our attitude towards money – Wei Jien and I are both ‘savers’, so that made things a bit better. It’s also good to discuss about who will manage the finances and do a yearly forecast of your expenses. Obviously, Wei Jien will be doing that.

With conflict, there’s bound to be hurt. That’s when we need to learn to put away our pride and say sorry. Asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness is the only way a marriage can move forward. It makes sense, although I find it difficult to just forgive and move on in general. Yes, I’m one of those people who keep unresolved issues buried until shit hits the fan.

This session, together with sagely advices from our support couple (I’ll talk about that soon) gave Wei Jien and I pointers on how to deal with our differences. We’ve reduced interrupting each other and attempt to be more reasonable when it comes to finding a solution – the “US” solution. Not quite there yet, but it's only a matter of time...

Wedding prep: Make-up artist

I’ve been looking for a good make-up artist cum hairstylist for my big day. The make-up artist of my choice would cost me RM2K (discounted price) PER SESSION excluding hair since he’s a celebrity make-up artist. One of my readers recommended a makeup artist, who quoted me a reasonable amount for two make-up and hair sessions (morning and night). For the trial session, she charges an extra RM150.

The second make-up artist I found does the job for slightly cheaper (2 sessions + trial). He is a hairstylist by profession and does a lot of makeup shows. I like how he does my hair, but I’ve yet to see his makeup portfolio. I was at a concert when I saw the works of the third make-up artist. She did the makeup for the performers, and it was exactly the style I wanted. Her price quote was also reasonable for 2 sessions. Trial session requires and additional RM150. That said, I’m not sure about her hairstyling abilities yet. Both the second and third make-up artist do not own a website so it’s hard for me to gauge what they can do.

Earthy tones are my best bet

Any of you know a good makeup artist (who can do hair as well) who charges reasonably? To save money, I’ll be doing my own make-up and possibly hair for my ROM. If I had a choice, I'd do my own make-up for the "jip san leong" and wedding dinner too. But I'm only worried I'd mess up...because I might be nervous.

Oh, and here are a few hair tips for bride-to-bes:

• You know the saying styling dirty hair is easier than freshly washed hair? It’s a myth. Oily hair doesn’t work well with hairspray.
• Based on my personal experience, don’t use synthetic hair extensions if you plan to style it with your real hair. Human hair is a lot easier to style.

Wedding Video - Behind the Scenes

Over the past few months, I’ve been watching quite a bit of wedding videos to get a rough idea of how I want our video to be. As most of you know, we’ve engaged in the services of Nigel Sia, who will be our videographer for the ROM as well as the actual day. Apart from that, Nigel will also be coming with up with a video teaser and a special video highlighting our dating days…leading up to the proposal. So far, things are looking very positive.

Behind the scenes

We filmed our wedding video in July, and the whole process took 10 hours and spanned across 5 locations. Remember our meet-up with Nigel? That was when he talked to us about how we met, the highlights of our relationship and what we wanted for our video. A week before the video shoot, Nigel emailed us his proposed storyboard and things took off from there. I won’t reveal this special video until the wedding dinner (video will be uploaded on my blog after the wedding), but here’s a sneak peak/behind the scene of what we’ve worked on.

The school scene was a bit difficult because I had to get permission to enter our old school (new headmistress) and a decent looking classroom – government school, go figure – to do our filming. When I got that part settled, the next issue was getting a school uniform. Sylvia, my wedding planner’s assistant managed to find me a pinafore that fit just right. For this scene, Nigel told me I needed to look the part, so I skipped the make-up and changed my hairstyle (don't worry, I didn't cut my hair -- it's just a wig). I don’t know you, but I think the wig did the trick! I got mine from My Dream Cottage.

Nigel came with a team of ‘actors’ – Kel Li, Harinder, Jenkin, Daphne, Simon, Jason and Ren. Jason and Ren were there throughout the shoot, helping Nigel with the videography. The others helped make the school scene more believable. Thanks guys, for the effort! The one thing that struck me about Nigel (apart from his ability to conceptualise) was his attention to detail and structure. Things were done efficiently and with structure from the storyboard. He had a checklist of what we needed to do, which he used as a reference.

Nigel came equipped with five DSLRs (plus tripod, mike, slider…etc) for our video which he changed as and when he felt was needed. We had good fun throughout the 10-hour shoot. Nigel was very accommodative and easy to work with. For those who are looking for a videographer to do your wedding video, give Nigel a shout via email (hello@nigelsia.com) or twitter (twitter.com/nigelais)! You can also give him a ring at 016-384 4617.

*If you’re looking for a less conventional wedding video (ie: boring, bridal studio compilation), Nigel’s your man. But before you engage in his services, let me kindly remind you that he’s off limits on October 8 (first half of the day) and November 19 (full day) 2011. :)

Budgeting

Blog post by Wei Jien:

Before Sue Lynn and I started our wedding blog, my friends and colleagues always asked me, "How are the wedding preparations going?" I will always answer them the same thing -- "Okay-lah." This time around, they started making comments such as, "Seems like your wedding preparations are going well. We can't wait to attend it." It was the wedding blog they were keeping tabs on.

Like a business everything you do needs to be budgeted. Coming from an accounting and finance background, it was understood that I would handle the budget planning. From my last post "concept", I worked out our wedding budget. Once we had our wedding concept sorted out, we roughly knew what we wanted/needed to have in our wedding. From there on, we gathered as much information as we could to prepare the budget. In our case, it was a joint effort of the wedding planner and us.

After obtaining all the information needed, our wedding planner laid them on an excel sheet for easy-viewing. For me, preparing a budget was a piece of cake, but it's the "other forces” that were hard to fight. When we saw the budget total amount, both my fiancé and I tried cutting the expenses from top to bottom and most of the time it was by half!

The "other forces” I speak off in our case are our parents and the wedding planner. Whether you like it or not, these people will usually insist on including this and that, which will make the wedding at the end of the day, cost a bomb. We had 2 options to deal with this. First was to ignore all the wedding planner’s suggestions and keep both our parents in the dark with regards to the wedding. Second option was to ELOPE!!!

The first option would be the easiest way out, but what's the point of hiring a wedding planner if you are going to ignore all his/her suggestions? And somehow, you can never keep your parents in the dark especially when you come from a Chinese family. Also, eloping was never an option…however tempting it may be!

In the end, none of the options were ideal. We compromised, but the key here is achieving BALANCE. We accepted 50% of our wedding planner’s suggestions and 50% of our parents’ suggestion. Like it or not, a wedding planner is more experienced in this field, having planned hundreds of weddings. He/she would know the wedding protocols and what should be included in the wedding. And since our parents often have better insight, they will have some valuable feedbacks which we could learn from, based on their own wedding experience.

A budget is often easy to prepare but do expect your final budget to be different (often more expensive) compared to the initial version. Other forces can be a pain to deal with and might even put a strain on your budgeting. It might not be the wedding planner or the parents who cause this strain. The problem might be caused by the couple's friends/acquaintance, or it could even be due to poor economy (high inflation or recession). Whatever the factors may be, just remember that is the key to good budgeting is BALANCE.

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 3)

The third session of our marriage preparation course touched on commitment. Until recently, I always assumed marriage was just a formality. A step after being in a stable relationship. It is a step after, but marriage means much more than that. Being committed to your partner means factoring him/her into your life. It’s no longer about ‘Me”. It’s now, “Us”. 


Marriage is the closest of human relationships; it is the ideal companionship, in my opinion. A friend once told me, "Aiya...cohabitation is about the same thing as marriage. And I don't have to spend so much money on a wedding." I think marriage is a stronger form of commitment. It is the unity of two beings and a lifetime commitment.

From what I understand, commitment means investing in the marriage, spending quality time with one another and making a point to know what’s happening in each other’s life. A strong marriage requires great commitment and trust, which can break the cycle of failed relationships. No matter how busy the both of you may be, it is always advisable to unwind together and keep abreast with what is happening. The last thing you would want is for your partner to relate his/her worries, feelings and thoughts with colleagues.


Having common interest(s) helps; you can enjoy your favourite activities while spending time together. For example, the both of you may enjoy swimming. Then make it a point to go for swims together and spend time with one another. Setting aside marriage time is very important as it keeps love and romance alive. Date nights at least once a week is good, and make it a point to go for mini vacations together. That way, it will help rekindle romance and strengthen the marriage.


We also learnt that no human being is the same, so there will be times where you don't share the same interests with your partner. In such cases, try setting time aside for the both of you to do the things you love, separately. Wei Jien plays badminton on Tuesday and sometimes futsal on Wednesdays. During that time he spends with his friends, I go out for dinner/drinks with my girlfriends. So far, it has worked for us. He comes home feeling good after a few games, and I come home happy after a few drinks.


Another thing we've learnt is to deal with change of loyalties towards our parents. After marriage, there will be a new centre of gravity, and a new priority: your spouse. This session taught us how to manage emotions and deal with this new structure.The sofa couple that day spoke about how they dealt with their in-laws and living arrangements when they got married -- they live with the husband's mother.


Living with the in-laws isn't ideal for many, but for some, it can be a blessing when you learn a bit of give and take, and respect your in-law's house rules. I also learnt the keyword INTERFACE. For example, say you're not pleased with how your mother-in-law interrupts quality time between the both of you. It is not appropriate (and also not your place) to talk to your mother-in-law about that. Your husband will need to act as an interface and talk to his mother with regards to that matter. He needs to be the one who sets the boundaries. The same thing goes if the situation was reversed. I can't expect Wei Jien to talk to my mother regarding conflicts. I need to be the interface for that.


We will be living with his parents for about a year after we get married, while waiting for our new place to be ready so we found what the sofa couple shared with us very helpful.

FACES Magazine - The Proposal Story

Check out our proposal story in FACES Magazine July/August 2011 issue!

Pre-wedding Photoshoot: Missing Wedding Dress!

I thought I had the pre-wedding photoshoot all planned out. I booked the dresses I wanted, prepared the face ampoules for both Wei Jien and I, coloured my hair, scheduled for my manicure and pedicure session a day before the photoshoot and booked the restaurant of my choice for the outdoor photoshoot. Everything was going according to plan...until I got a phone call from my bridal studio at 5.30pm today (Tuesday, July 5, 2011).

My Lace Wedding Gown

"Sue Lynn ah, I have something to tell you. But please don't be angry," said Fiona, the bridal shop assistant. "The lace gown you reserved for the pre-wedding isn't available," she said, nervously. Apparently, a customer who rented the same gown before me took it to the US, and couldn't bring it back on time for MY pre-wedding photo shoot. She was scheduled to bring it back a week before my shoot, but due to some god-knows-what emergency, she couldn't do so. 

I almost popped a vein!

"What the hell am I going to do without my dress?!!" I replied. All Fiona could do was to apologize repeatedly. I was pissed that this happened, and of all people, TO ME! That was my favourite dress of the 4 dresses I selected, and it had to be the one missing. "I'm not going to try on other gowns! This is the bridal studio's fault. FIX THE PROBLEM!!" I hollered. I was furious. Called Christy (one of my bridesmaid) crying, and she quickly came to see me.


The only solution was to go to the bridal studio and see the alternative gowns Fiona has set aside for me. To be honest, I knew it wasn't entirely her fault. But it was the carelessness of the bridal studio and that customer. Getting to SS2 was horrible; traffic jam, foul mood and all that. At the bridal studio, I hated almost everything I saw.


Fiona tried her best to find me replacement gowns, but I didn't like any of them. They didn't fit me right and I didn't feel comfortable wearing them. "No, no, no. I don't like any of these," I said, frowning. Christy too, didn't like the alternative gowns. They didn't have the wow factor, the way the lace gown had on me. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why wait until 3 days before the photo shoot to break the news to me?!!" I asked. Before Fiona could answer that question, her colleague intercepted and said, "Aiyo...the bride like that, so how? We also don't want this to happen ma. But already happen, so what to do?"

I even have my face ampoules ready

That "I-don't-give-a-shit reply" enraged me and I told that girl off. Never ruin an apology with an excuse, especially if it's a stupid one. According to Christy, I wasn't even mean to the girls, but Fiona teared up. I had to tell her I wasn't pissed at her, but at the customer and the lack of attention from the bridal studio. After trying more than 10 gowns and rejecting all, I was getting restless and annoyed. This whole thing was a waste of my time. And Christy's time too. All because a selfish bride didn't want to return the dress on time.


Three to four assistants scrambled around the whole shop trying to look for a good enough replacement. They even brought out their brand new gowns for me to try. Usually, new gowns carry an additional surcharge, but they were prepared to waive that for their error. I wasn't impressed with the gowns, new or not. None of them looked like my lace gown and I didn't like the princess cut most of them carried. My lace gown was a mermaid cut.


In the end, I had to settle for a diamante detailed-bridal gown from the new collection. It was no where as nice as the full lace gown I selected, but that was the best of the dresses I've tried. Anyway, I'm just really upset, hence this blogpost.