The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 6)

The final session of our marriage preparation course was about shared goals and values. While I understood and related to the other four sessions, it took me some time to truly understand what shared goals and values really meant.

Now that we’re married, it makes more sense. Prior to this, I assumed we share the same goals and values. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be together for so long. But that wasn’t entirely true. Having the same goals and values involved all that we learnt in the previous four sessions, and more. Wei Jien and I are very different, and while we have a lot of common interests, we don’t always agree with each other’s goals and values. The key to overcome this is to listen, understand and compromise.

There’s no guidebook to doing so – you have to learn as you progress into the marriage. I’m writing this from experience, based on my two months of marriage. Wei Jien has always been the more mature and understanding one, and I believe he has a better understanding of this topic long before we joined the course.

I only realized this when I was doing some reflection on us recently. We’ve gone through plenty of ups and downs while dating and more often than not, he always placed my needs before his. He insisted that I went to UK to further my studies because the courses there were better. We survived that long-distance relationship.

In 2008, he persuaded me to pursue a dream that I had for many years – to join beauty pageants. Despite all the negativity beauty pageants had (and still have), all he wanted was for me to be happy.

In 2010, I decided to quit my fulltime job to figure out what I want to do with my life. During those 3 months, he supported me emotionally and financially, until I got a new job. I always told myself that I could do what he did for me when the time comes. Easier said than done – it takes a lot of strength and faith to actually put this into action.

One of his goals in life is to work abroad and he’s been talking about this for the past 4 years. If he does go abroad, it only makes sense that I go with him. Thing is, going with him means leaving everything I have behind. My family, friends, social life, career...you get the picture.

It was only then that I understood the meaning of shared goals and values. You won’t always have the same goals in life, but you learn work with it. Compromise with one another, without any feeling of regret or resentment. Only then, can the marriage grow stronger and become more rewarding.

The Ang Pau Giving Guide

I wish someone shared this with me before I got hitched so I can ‘educate’ some uninitiated guests on the ang pau giving protocol. While it’s a bit too late for me and rif, it’s still not too late for those who are getting married to take note of this.

To the Chinese, ang pau symbolizes prosperity they are given during weddings as a good blessing to the couple. Of course, the content of the red packet matters – it helps the newly-weds offset their wedding dinner cost. I’m not saying you have to fork out and arm and a leg for the ang pau, but at least be reasonable when giving them.

Please don’t attend a wedding dinner at a 5-star hotel with a family of 10 and give a RM500 ang pau or worse, come empty handed. That’s just ridiculous. For those of you who don’t know how much wedding dinners cost these days, here’s a rough guide*:

Based on my experience in calling at least 20 hotels and 5 Chinese restaurants for my wedding dinner last year (November 2011), here’s my rough estimate of how much a wedding dinner cost per pax (factor-in an increase of 5-10% for year 2012).

Other factors that can affect the above:

• If the wedding is on Mon-Thurs: Give 90 – 95% of the weekend rate.
• If your sibling or best friend is getting married: Add 50%.
• If your ex or frenemy is getting married: Deduct 50%. *If it were my ex, I wouldn’t give an ang pau.
• If the wedding couple gave you a lousy sum when you got married: It’s payback time!
• If you obviously got a last-minute, fill-seat invite: Deduct 30%.
• If you RSVP-ed but can’t make it at the last minute: You still need to give an ang pau; at least 50% of the amount. It’s not nice to have empty seats on the couple’s big day.
• If you are a thrifty guest but want ‘face’: Call the hotel beforehand and ask for the rates.

*Note that this also depends on your budget. Give what you can afford and I'm sure the bride and groom are more than happy that you're there for their big day.

So now that you know how much weddings cost these days, do give accordingly when you attend future weddings. For those who are getting married, send a gentle reminder to your guests don't expect the ang pau to cover the cost of your dinner. That way, you can spare yourself the teeth-gritting later on.

Hope this helps!

Planning A Wedding Is Fun

Go figure.

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 5)

Keeping Love Alive - What is your love language?

In my wedding vow to Wei Jien, I promised be his confidant. That was after learning how important it is to be a friend to your spouse. Friends confide in each other, spend time together and have conversations together. Wei Jien was first my friend, before we started dating, so naturally, we shared a lot of common interests together.


We'd go for food trips, mini vacations, coffee sessions, window shopping and watch TV series. During the fifth session of TMPC, we learnt about love languages and how each individual has a different love language. Often, our love language is different from our partner's so we need to understand that and take the effort to show it often.


For me, my love languages are "time" and "words". I feel happy when Wei Jien spends time with me and talks to me. I also love compliments and words of encouragement. Wei Jien's love languages are "touch" and "words". He likes receiving hugs and kisses, as well as words of encouragement and praise.


And in every strong marriages, sex plays an important role. Putting aside one night stands and random shag buddies, sex is communication at the deepest level. It is an expression of love within the marriage. I learnt that the key to a good sexual relationship is to talk about it -- your expectations, your thoughts and your problems (if any). Sex isn't a race or a competition. Every marriage is unique, so never compare yourselves with another couple.


This session made me realise that Wei Jien knows me better than I know myself -- he always knew that my love language was time. And he makes an effort to spend as much time as he can with me. :)

R.O.M - October 8, 2011

A few pictures from our R.O.M at Spasso Milano last Saturday courtesy of Mike & Jo Cyee. I thought the ceremony went well -- our close friends were there, the decor was gorgeous, the food was good (that's very important to me) and our cake was lovely.

Will be posting more pictures soon, once I get them from Andy. Stay tuned! :)

Before our R.O.M...

The R.O.M is tomorrow. Actually, it's in a few hours time. I think my jitters got worse when I filled in a form last week, and came to the column, "Single or Married". That freaked me out a bit, as I knew that would probably be the last time I tick on the "Single" tickbox.

Wei Jien is asleep, but I'm still up rehearsing my wedding vows. Took me a while to write the vows, and SIX amendments. I'm a seasoned food writer, but definitely not a wedding vow writer. I decided the last wedding vow I wrote was the right one. Thought of it two days ago...on the LRT ride home.

Anyway, my dress has been dry-cleaned, flower arrangement sorted and Jo Cyee just told me the ROM cake is ready. I will be wearing accessories by Mori Pin (given to me as a wedding gift) and the dress will be revealed tomorrow.

Wish us both luck!

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 4)

Resolving Conflict

Conflict happens to us all the time and it gets more frequent when we enter a marriage. That’s because we’re all different and selfish by nature. In our marriage preparation course, Wei Jien and I learnt how to identify and deal with our differences. When we did the personality test during the first session of TMPC, one of our weaknesses was our inability to resolve conflicts effectively.

First, we identified the type of anger we have – rhino (explode) and hedgehog (bury). We both have rhino and hedgehog tendencies, but in general, I’m more of a rhino and he’s more of a hedgehog. Next, we were encouraged to look for solutions to the problems we faced.

The important thing we both learnt in this session was never to use words like, “You always…” and “You never…”. Many couples are guilty of making this mistake and it is going to take time (and effort) to change this. We're still guilty of making this mistake, but hope to overcome this in time. Prior to this, either one of us would have give in to the other whenever we faced conflict. This “I win, you lose” situation got us through the years, but it was hardly ideal. Now, we sit down, talk and listen to one another, and identify the issue. Once we agree on an action plan, we work on it together.

Marriage involves sharing everything. We’re moving from “I”, to “us”. It’s no longer my money, my car and my home. Instead we have to look at things from an “us” perspective – our money, our car and our home. That’s going to be difficult for many people, especially if you’ve been living independently for a long time. We also addressed our attitude towards money – Wei Jien and I are both ‘savers’, so that made things a bit better. It’s also good to discuss about who will manage the finances and do a yearly forecast of your expenses. Obviously, Wei Jien will be doing that.

With conflict, there’s bound to be hurt. That’s when we need to learn to put away our pride and say sorry. Asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness is the only way a marriage can move forward. It makes sense, although I find it difficult to just forgive and move on in general. Yes, I’m one of those people who keep unresolved issues buried until shit hits the fan.

This session, together with sagely advices from our support couple (I’ll talk about that soon) gave Wei Jien and I pointers on how to deal with our differences. We’ve reduced interrupting each other and attempt to be more reasonable when it comes to finding a solution – the “US” solution. Not quite there yet, but it's only a matter of time...

Wedding prep: Make-up artist

I’ve been looking for a good make-up artist cum hairstylist for my big day. The make-up artist of my choice would cost me RM2K (discounted price) PER SESSION excluding hair since he’s a celebrity make-up artist. One of my readers recommended a makeup artist, who quoted me a reasonable amount for two make-up and hair sessions (morning and night). For the trial session, she charges an extra RM150.

The second make-up artist I found does the job for slightly cheaper (2 sessions + trial). He is a hairstylist by profession and does a lot of makeup shows. I like how he does my hair, but I’ve yet to see his makeup portfolio. I was at a concert when I saw the works of the third make-up artist. She did the makeup for the performers, and it was exactly the style I wanted. Her price quote was also reasonable for 2 sessions. Trial session requires and additional RM150. That said, I’m not sure about her hairstyling abilities yet. Both the second and third make-up artist do not own a website so it’s hard for me to gauge what they can do.

Earthy tones are my best bet

Any of you know a good makeup artist (who can do hair as well) who charges reasonably? To save money, I’ll be doing my own make-up and possibly hair for my ROM. If I had a choice, I'd do my own make-up for the "jip san leong" and wedding dinner too. But I'm only worried I'd mess up...because I might be nervous.

Oh, and here are a few hair tips for bride-to-bes:

• You know the saying styling dirty hair is easier than freshly washed hair? It’s a myth. Oily hair doesn’t work well with hairspray.
• Based on my personal experience, don’t use synthetic hair extensions if you plan to style it with your real hair. Human hair is a lot easier to style.

The Marriage Preparation Course - Support Couple

"LEARN TO COMPLIMENT MORE THAN TO COMPROMISE." 

That was one of the few advices our support couple gave us. After doing the couple's personality test, Wei Jien and I were assigned a support couple who would help us address our strengths and weaknesses as a couple. We were invited into their home and dined with the whole family. It also gave us a sense of perspective what to expect in future.


Once we were done with dinner, we discussed our test results. True enough, the results were as we predicted. Our strengths lie in our willingness to be open to each other, our understanding of one another and our similar interests. However, we need to work more on how to resolve conflicts and managing our very different personalities. Wei Jien and I are total opposites.


All this while, we've learnt to work around the conflicts but never really addressed the root of the problem -- our personality. After a long discussion, we realized this problem might seem minor for now, but once we move in together and start a family, things will get complicated with the unaddressed conflicts.


By the end of the night, I realized there's so much more required in a marriage than just love, commitment, compatibility, communication and patience. For Wei Jien, he has a better understanding of what to expect in the future when problems arise.

Our support couple taught us this, "You build trust over trust". If your partner knows he/she can tell you anything and everything without being worried you might react badly/use it against them, then he/she will be able to trust you with their deepest emotions. They will share their problems and thoughts with you. That is one of the key foundations to a strong marriage. To me, it's easier said than done. But for the marriage to work, we're going to try our best. 


**We were at their place for dinner again last night, addressing issues such as managing finances and setting life goals as a couple. I found that session difficult, and the questions/obstacles given by our support couple got Wei Jien and I tongue-tied for a while. All this while, we thought we had everything covered and planned out. The fact that we failed to solve a few difficult questions made us realise, that there was still so much to learn and so many areas to strengthen.  

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 3)

The third session of our marriage preparation course touched on commitment. Until recently, I always assumed marriage was just a formality. A step after being in a stable relationship. It is a step after, but marriage means much more than that. Being committed to your partner means factoring him/her into your life. It’s no longer about ‘Me”. It’s now, “Us”. 


Marriage is the closest of human relationships; it is the ideal companionship, in my opinion. A friend once told me, "Aiya...cohabitation is about the same thing as marriage. And I don't have to spend so much money on a wedding." I think marriage is a stronger form of commitment. It is the unity of two beings and a lifetime commitment.

From what I understand, commitment means investing in the marriage, spending quality time with one another and making a point to know what’s happening in each other’s life. A strong marriage requires great commitment and trust, which can break the cycle of failed relationships. No matter how busy the both of you may be, it is always advisable to unwind together and keep abreast with what is happening. The last thing you would want is for your partner to relate his/her worries, feelings and thoughts with colleagues.


Having common interest(s) helps; you can enjoy your favourite activities while spending time together. For example, the both of you may enjoy swimming. Then make it a point to go for swims together and spend time with one another. Setting aside marriage time is very important as it keeps love and romance alive. Date nights at least once a week is good, and make it a point to go for mini vacations together. That way, it will help rekindle romance and strengthen the marriage.


We also learnt that no human being is the same, so there will be times where you don't share the same interests with your partner. In such cases, try setting time aside for the both of you to do the things you love, separately. Wei Jien plays badminton on Tuesday and sometimes futsal on Wednesdays. During that time he spends with his friends, I go out for dinner/drinks with my girlfriends. So far, it has worked for us. He comes home feeling good after a few games, and I come home happy after a few drinks.


Another thing we've learnt is to deal with change of loyalties towards our parents. After marriage, there will be a new centre of gravity, and a new priority: your spouse. This session taught us how to manage emotions and deal with this new structure.The sofa couple that day spoke about how they dealt with their in-laws and living arrangements when they got married -- they live with the husband's mother.


Living with the in-laws isn't ideal for many, but for some, it can be a blessing when you learn a bit of give and take, and respect your in-law's house rules. I also learnt the keyword INTERFACE. For example, say you're not pleased with how your mother-in-law interrupts quality time between the both of you. It is not appropriate (and also not your place) to talk to your mother-in-law about that. Your husband will need to act as an interface and talk to his mother with regards to that matter. He needs to be the one who sets the boundaries. The same thing goes if the situation was reversed. I can't expect Wei Jien to talk to my mother regarding conflicts. I need to be the interface for that.


We will be living with his parents for about a year after we get married, while waiting for our new place to be ready so we found what the sofa couple shared with us very helpful.

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 2)

Our second session of TPMC (The Marriage Preparation Course) started off pretty bumpy. See, Wei Jien and I had an argument right before that and I would rather spend 3 hours strangling him than to proceed with the course. But the subject that week was communication and how important good communication is for a strong foundation in marriage.

How to listen to your other half. I believe I speak for the ladies -- we want a husband/partner who can listen and empathize with our situation. Many of us listen, but do we REALLY pay attention to what our other half is saying? What he/she is going through? How he/she feels? Because of that, we fail to understand what is really bothering our partners and the reason they are upset. The key to this is to listen, reflect, listen and EMPATHIZE.


To be honest, when I'm ranting to Wei Jien about work or someone I dislike, I want him to just listen to the crap I holler out. Not give me solutions like..."You should do this, this and this so your boss will stop giving you problems," or "You should treat her this way so you'll feel better." Many of us don't want a problem solver; we want a good listener. The problem solver is a secondary thing, from what I understand and personally feel. 


We also learnt about how different families and upbringing methods mould who we are and what we expect in when we enter a marriage. When I first had dinner with his family and extended family, I was overwhelmed by their constant chatter. But after a few months, I was able to blend in, enjoy their company and follow their conversations.


Wei Jien on the other hand found dinners with my family extremely quiet and serious. I don't blame him. We hardly ate together as a family when I was growing up, simply because we were so pressed for time. I had night tuitions, my father worked late, brother had classes...etc. We only ate together during weekends, and even so, not with relatives. So that's a big difference in terms of our family upbringing. 


Then there are habits of our parents that influence us, in more ways than we would like. My mother never allowed me to use the microwave when I was growing up, but Wei Jien's family uses the microwave for almost everything...including boiling water! I didn't get that, and until today, I don't. 

If there was one sagely advice a support couple gave us that day, it was this: The both of you are playing the same team. It's not about being right or winning. It's about teamwork and understanding, something many couples fail to comprehend. I believe that is one of my biggest weaknesses. I always think Wei Jien is attacking me when he talks about how upset he feels with some of my actions. But what he really wanted was to voice his innermost feelings. The same applies for me too. I guess that's something we need to work on more.


This isn't something we can fix overnight. After all, marriage takes practice, effort and hard work. Like every other thing you do, the more effort you put in, the better you get. We're never going to stop learning about each other. I've known Wei Jien for more than 13 years, and I'm still learning new things about him as the relationship progresses.

Come to think of it, this course isn't so bad after all. It has so far, helped us understand our problems and address them in a proper, loving and more appropriate way. But that doesn't mean we won't have conflicts. We will always have conflicts as we are two very different individuals. However, I hope to learn more about resolving conflicts in the next session this coming Saturday.


Oh...and we went home not feeling angry at each other after that session. :)

The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 1)

Wei Jien and I attended the first session of our wedding preparation course last Saturday. Truth be told, I only enrolled for this because both our parents insisted on it. Also, a good friend of mine thought it would help prepare us for a life of togetherness. I guess it helped him prepare for marriage. 

We made our way to class in Damansara Perdana -- Wei Jien, with an open mind and myself, with my guard up. I'm usually very hesitant when it comes to things I'm unsure of, and this course was one of them. We joined 5 other couples in this marriage preparation course. The people conducting the course were very friendly and understood my reservations. They assured me that my privacy will not be invaded and I can remain in my comfort zone throughout the 6 weeks. That eased my tension, a little.


During the first session, we were asked to do a couple's compatibility test. 165 questions and we had to shade the answers...just like UPSR, PMR and SPM. That was my least favourite part of the course. Wei Jien felt the same way. Support couples (those who have been happily married for years and some who went through the course previously) were there to share their thoughts and experiences. 

Scenarios such as, "Where to live?", "Who takes care of the baby?", "Who does the cooking", "Who should contribute more to the household finances?" and "Who does the chores?" were addressed. We were also asked to label these things according to their importance to us:

1) Myself

2) My spouse

3) My children

4) My work

5) My community

The answers from all of us varied. Even Wei Jien's answers and mine weren't the same. But we were encouraged to talk about it and reason with each other on why we chose our answers. I won't tell you what our answers were, but why don't you do this mini test with your spouse, girlfriend or fiancee? It does help see where the relationship is heading. 

The groom's role in a wedding

Note: This is a guest post by Wei Jien. I like that he puts in a lot of effort in the planning process. Heck, he came up with most of the wedding ideas. I just nodded my head in agreement! LOL

The stone-age mentality would be something like this:

JUST ATTEND THE WEDDING.

Think like that...and you'll be digging your own grave. My role as a groom in our wedding is slightly different.

As many of you know, we have engaged in the services of a wedding planner. But the biggest misconception people have is that with a wedding planner, the couple can just sit back and relax. Well you can, but that means you will be attending someone else's wedding. In my opinion, the most important part of a wedding is the concept.

Concept is the general idea of your wedding. How the wedding generally flows will stem from this very idea. Do not underestimate this, as a concept can easily get lost in the midst of planning.

Imagine you are half way planning your wedding. You've chosen your hotel, your gown, your card design, your flower arrangements...and they all are what you've dreamt of since you were a child. But when it comes to things that you are less familiar with, you will ask your wedding planner for example, suggestions for the grand table decor, the design of the backdrop...etc.

The wedding planner will then throw you 1001 suggestions, based on his/her experience and understanding. What will an average joe do? Choose the nicest suggestion, obviously. But does it really suit your ambiance you have already chosen?

Wedding ambiance example

Having a concept guides you through the planning process. When in doubt, the couple can always revert back to the concept and decide from there. My role here was to come up with the concept. Just before Chinese New Year, my fiance asked me this very important question, "What are we going to do for the wedding?!" Think carefully guys. This question has more booby trap then the raider of the lost ark (in case you dont know, Indiana Jones).

What she's really asking is not for specifics like what cake or what flowers you should get; she is asking for your idea of the wedding aka concept. Most guys will normally answer "anything-lah". Two things will then pop into her head; "Does this guy even want to marry me? Seems like he doesn't even care about it" OR "Muahaha...let's spend all his hard-earned money".

Well, I sure as hell didn't want anything like that to happen and I am sure none of you guys would want to face that scenario. It is important to merge your concept with both your personalities. For example, both my fiance and I do not like flowers, so I came up with a concept that fitted our wants and want-nots.

The next step after the concept...is history. What have the both of you done together in the past that is significant to the relationship? What have you done individually that both of you have crossed paths with? For example: a couple might have met while diving since they both like the ocean and together they have visited some of the most beautiful coral reefs in the world. Then, it might be good to go with a concept that involves the sun, sea and sand.

Concept is never easy to come up with. It requires a long and thorough thinking process; what advertising people would call "chain of ideas". Guys, give it some thought before answering your lady (*if you know what I mean) and ladies, please give your man some space (with an open mind), I am sure he has some ideas the both of you might fancy.

Western Wedding Tradition

rif’s mother showed me this poem over dinner last night. Curious, I did some search on Google and found my discoveries too interesting not to share!

Something old, something new
Something borrowed, something blue
And a silver sixpence in her shoe.

Each item in this poem is said to represent a good-luck token for the bride. If she carries all of them on her wedding day, her marriage will be happy.

*picture credits: google.com


"Something old" symbolises continuity with the bride's family and the past. To symbolise this link, brides would wear a piece of antique family jewellery or select something from the mother's or grandmother's wedding gown. Other things that may be chosen include a handkerchief, a scarf or a piece of lace.

Suggestions I found online:

- Use a classic car for wedding day transportation
- Place an antique bookmark to mark ceremony readings
- Use a childhood pillow for the ring bearer’s pillow
- Get a relative’s monogrammed handkerchief
- Display wedding photographs of parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents at the reception
- Find an antique tussy mussy (a conical hand-held bouquet vase) for the bride’s bouquet
- Get a vintage purse to match the bride’s gown
- Have the wedding at a historic location
- Have the bride carry a childhood treasure she has saved like a ring, bracelet, small doll, locket, etc.

Wear my mum's necklace?

Or maybe her diamond earrings...

- Bring out the heirloom jewellery to wear like an engagement ring or wedding band, a brooch, earrings, a bracelet, a necklace, or some sparkly hair pins
- Tuck an antique hat pin into the bride’s bouquet
- Carry a vintage pill box
- Sew a button from one of the bride’s father’s old coats on the inside of the bride’s gown at the hem or place it in her purse
- Give the bride a vintage compact mirror for her purse
- Get a champagne glass to smash during the ceremony from a relative’s wedding or anniversary
- Wear a headpiece, tiara, or veil that has been handed down
- Wear vintage white gloves
- Take some of mother’s or grandmother’s wedding gown fabric or lace and sew it inside the bride’s gown or to her petticoat
- Display the parents’ cake toppers or use it as the wedding cake topper
- Tuck a love letter saved by the bride’s mother from the bride’s father into the bride’s purse
- Carry a wedding photo of parents’ or grandparents’ in the bride’s purse
- Display a photograph of the bride as a little girl or carry it in the bride’s purse.

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"Something new" represents optimism and hope for the bride's new life ahead. It could be anything that is purchased new for the wedding -- wedding flowers, wedding rings, wedding shoes...etc. Wearing a new item on your wedding day conveys the message that you are are creating a new union that will endure forever.

Suggestions I found online:

- Buy a new lipstick in a pretty shade
- Have a custom perfume designed for the bride

New white wedding shoes

- Purchase a new makeup bag or new purse to use on the day of the wedding
- Get a bouquet made of silk flowers, a new tussy mussy to hold a fresh flower bouquet, or a crystal bouquet
- Find a new charm for the bride’s charm bracelet
- Select a new jewellery item to wear on the day of the wedding like a bracelet, earrings, a necklace, or an anklet
- Treat the bride to a pair of new luxurious silk stockings
- Give the bride new lingerie to wear under her gown or on her honeymoon
- Get a sun parasol to keep the bride cool in between all of those photographs
- Treat the bride to a new haircut, new highlights, or new hair extensions
- Purchase a special guest book with extra room for guests to include a personal note at the wedding
- Drive a new car for the bride’s wedding day transportation
- Pack some mints or a stick of gum
- Experiment with a new henna tattoo kit
- Give the bride a new fancy collar or outfit for her pup or kitty

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"Something borrowed" is usually an item from a happily married friend or family member, whose good fortune in marriage is supposed to carry over to the new bride. The borrowed item also reminds the bride that her friends and family will be there for her on the special day and in the future when help is needed. Anything can be borrowed, but it must be returned afterwards.

Suggestions I found online:

- Let the groom borrow the grandfather’s pocket watch or have the bride carry it in her purse
- Include flowers from the bride’s grandparents’ garden in floral arrangements at the wedding or in the bride’s bouquet
- Borrow father’s silk handkerchief
- Use aunt’s prayer book during the ceremony
- Borrow a long-time family friends’ timeshare for your honeymoon
- Borrow the song from the bride’s (or groom’s) parents’ wedding to dance to
- Have the wedding at a borrowed location like the bride’s parents’ backyard or country club
- Borrow a cell phone
- Use a best friend’s strapless bra for the day
- Borrow a headpiece or hair baubles

- Use someone’s silver knife to cut the cake with at the reception
- Wear borrowed jewellery from a happily married gal pal
- Borrow a button-down shirt or robe for the bride to wear while getting her hair and makeup done
- Borrow the flower girl or ring bearer from a friend’s wedding

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“Something blue” symbolises purity, modesty, and faithfulness. The blue item can be anything – garter, necklace pendant or blue-themed wedding flowers. In the olden days, people used to wear blue wedding gowns. “Marry in blue, lover be true,” so the proverb says.

Suggestions I found online:

- Use blue confetti

- Wear a blue Garter
- Decorate with blue balloons at the reception
- Have the groom wear a blue suit
- Wear an ice-blue wedding gown or a blue sash on the wedding gown
- Use blue ribbon or flowers in the bride’s bouquet or on the groom’s boutonniere
- Paint the bride’s toenails or fingernails with blue nail polish
- Have the florist use blueberries in the table centerpieces
- Apply blue eye shadow (after Miss Universe Malaysia 2008, no freaking way am I going to let anyone put blue eye shadow on me!)
- Wear blue-tinted contact lens
- Sprinkle the bride’s skin lightly with sparkly blue body glitter

I'm considering striking blue shoes now! :)

- Wear blue shoes
- Dress in a blue underskirt or petticoat

- Wear sapphire, tanzanite, opals, or aqua marine jewellery
- Use a blue-stone tiara
- Drive a blue car for transportation
- Carry a blue purse
- Pack blue lingerie for the honeymoon
- Get a pretty new blue scarf or handkerchief
- Tie a blue thread around your finger

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“A silver sixpence in her shoe” represents wealth and financial security. The sixpence is traditionally placed in the bride’s left shoe, but it can also be carried in the bride’s purse or sewn into the hem or lining of her gown. These days, a dime or a copper penny is used as a substitute and many brides have found other ways to interpret this wedding custom by using different items and carrying the item instead of placing it in their shoes.

Suggestions I found online:

- Buy a silver sixpence to use for the wedding
- Use an old coin from the country of the bride or groom’s ancestry. This could also double as the “something old” item.
- Get a mint coin for the bride to carry. This could also double as the “something new” item.
- Pack travellers checks if the newlyweds are honeymooning out of the country
- Carry another valuable object like a different coin, jewellery, or a bill in the denomination of the bride or groom’s ancestry

Thinking out loud:

Wedding bands are smooth, simple circles signifying eternity and are supposed to ensure an endless marriage. If my wedding band has diamonds on it, does it mean I’ll have a bumpy and difficult marriage?

So if my wedding band looks like this, how?!

Bridal Bouquet

It baffles me how flowers can cost so much just for a wedding. Someone told me she spent close to RM30,000 (THIRTY THOUSAND RINGGIT!!) on flower decorations for her wedding last year. After the event ended, 90% of the flowers went to waste. Maybe I should be a florist; I'll definitely earn more than what I'm getting as a writer.

Picture credit: google.com

Even a simple bridal bouquet cost more than RM150 and the flowers will wither after 3 days. For RM150, I would rather get a chocolate/cookie bouquet....then I can snack on them in case I’m hungry during the reception.

Picture credit: Finest Expressions

At the moment, I’m so tempted to cut some of my neighbour’s flowers and turn them into my bridal bouquet. But if I do so, she might never talk to me again...