The Marriage Preparation Course (Part 6)

The final session of our marriage preparation course was about shared goals and values. While I understood and related to the other four sessions, it took me some time to truly understand what shared goals and values really meant.

Now that we’re married, it makes more sense. Prior to this, I assumed we share the same goals and values. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be together for so long. But that wasn’t entirely true. Having the same goals and values involved all that we learnt in the previous four sessions, and more. Wei Jien and I are very different, and while we have a lot of common interests, we don’t always agree with each other’s goals and values. The key to overcome this is to listen, understand and compromise.

There’s no guidebook to doing so – you have to learn as you progress into the marriage. I’m writing this from experience, based on my two months of marriage. Wei Jien has always been the more mature and understanding one, and I believe he has a better understanding of this topic long before we joined the course.

I only realized this when I was doing some reflection on us recently. We’ve gone through plenty of ups and downs while dating and more often than not, he always placed my needs before his. He insisted that I went to UK to further my studies because the courses there were better. We survived that long-distance relationship.

In 2008, he persuaded me to pursue a dream that I had for many years – to join beauty pageants. Despite all the negativity beauty pageants had (and still have), all he wanted was for me to be happy.

In 2010, I decided to quit my fulltime job to figure out what I want to do with my life. During those 3 months, he supported me emotionally and financially, until I got a new job. I always told myself that I could do what he did for me when the time comes. Easier said than done – it takes a lot of strength and faith to actually put this into action.

One of his goals in life is to work abroad and he’s been talking about this for the past 4 years. If he does go abroad, it only makes sense that I go with him. Thing is, going with him means leaving everything I have behind. My family, friends, social life, career...you get the picture.

It was only then that I understood the meaning of shared goals and values. You won’t always have the same goals in life, but you learn work with it. Compromise with one another, without any feeling of regret or resentment. Only then, can the marriage grow stronger and become more rewarding.