The groom's role in a wedding

Note: This is a guest post by Wei Jien. I like that he puts in a lot of effort in the planning process. Heck, he came up with most of the wedding ideas. I just nodded my head in agreement! LOL

The stone-age mentality would be something like this:

JUST ATTEND THE WEDDING.

Think like that...and you'll be digging your own grave. My role as a groom in our wedding is slightly different.

As many of you know, we have engaged in the services of a wedding planner. But the biggest misconception people have is that with a wedding planner, the couple can just sit back and relax. Well you can, but that means you will be attending someone else's wedding. In my opinion, the most important part of a wedding is the concept.

Concept is the general idea of your wedding. How the wedding generally flows will stem from this very idea. Do not underestimate this, as a concept can easily get lost in the midst of planning.

Imagine you are half way planning your wedding. You've chosen your hotel, your gown, your card design, your flower arrangements...and they all are what you've dreamt of since you were a child. But when it comes to things that you are less familiar with, you will ask your wedding planner for example, suggestions for the grand table decor, the design of the backdrop...etc.

The wedding planner will then throw you 1001 suggestions, based on his/her experience and understanding. What will an average joe do? Choose the nicest suggestion, obviously. But does it really suit your ambiance you have already chosen?

Wedding ambiance example

Having a concept guides you through the planning process. When in doubt, the couple can always revert back to the concept and decide from there. My role here was to come up with the concept. Just before Chinese New Year, my fiance asked me this very important question, "What are we going to do for the wedding?!" Think carefully guys. This question has more booby trap then the raider of the lost ark (in case you dont know, Indiana Jones).

What she's really asking is not for specifics like what cake or what flowers you should get; she is asking for your idea of the wedding aka concept. Most guys will normally answer "anything-lah". Two things will then pop into her head; "Does this guy even want to marry me? Seems like he doesn't even care about it" OR "Muahaha...let's spend all his hard-earned money".

Well, I sure as hell didn't want anything like that to happen and I am sure none of you guys would want to face that scenario. It is important to merge your concept with both your personalities. For example, both my fiance and I do not like flowers, so I came up with a concept that fitted our wants and want-nots.

The next step after the concept...is history. What have the both of you done together in the past that is significant to the relationship? What have you done individually that both of you have crossed paths with? For example: a couple might have met while diving since they both like the ocean and together they have visited some of the most beautiful coral reefs in the world. Then, it might be good to go with a concept that involves the sun, sea and sand.

Concept is never easy to come up with. It requires a long and thorough thinking process; what advertising people would call "chain of ideas". Guys, give it some thought before answering your lady (*if you know what I mean) and ladies, please give your man some space (with an open mind), I am sure he has some ideas the both of you might fancy.

Nyonya Beaded Shoes

Many people ask me how the wedding preps are going. Almost everywhere I go, I get this, "So how are things with the wedding?" Well, to be honest, I don't quite know. I haven't had the time to sit down with my wedding planner (who is and has been in charge of things since March this year - yay!).

rif's mother started making my Nyonya beaded shoes -- the process looks painfully difficult. I think I would go blind if I were to ever attempt such a feat. Oh well, I'm lucky she's fond of me and wants to do it. :)

This is only the start, but it looks beautiful to me. Anyone knows where I can get stiletto heels to attach the beaded artwork on? I don't want to wear the chunky, low-heeled shoes most Nyonya shoes come with. Would be great if Peranakans out there could share some tips!

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Cake Designers

Picture credit: google.com

Wei Jien and I decided to go for the mock cake provided by our hotel because we cannot afford to get a real cake. Little did I know, a good friend of mine, Charles decided to buy us a cake as his wedding gift to us. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Us, with the heavenly duo

Talented bakers and friends Allan and Nigel of Just Heavenly Pleasures will be baking and designing our wedding cake according to the theme. No, I won't be revealing the theme just yet. Just Heavenly has offered to cover half of the cake cost as their wedding gift to us. Thank you so much!

Talking designs and ideas

We got together to talk about cake designs recently -- how it should look, how a certain design would suit the wedding theme, etc. I've never tried their wedding cakes, but I've tried almost all the cakes sold at Just Heavenly outlets. If you haven't tried any, shame on you! Go try. Their banana cream pie and death by chocolate is to-die-for. And don't forget the apple crumble cheesecake.

Picture credit: google.com

Picture credit: google.com

Anyway, Wei Jien and I are very pleased and excited about this. Our wedding guests will get to eat REAL cake, not just the boxed fruit cake slices provided by the hotel. Guest will still get to eat the fruit cake while waiting for us to walk down the aisle and cut the wedding cake.

So cute right this cake topper?!

Picture credit: google.com

Still semi-pissed at the hotel and florist. But that's for the wedding planner to handle. I'm just hoping she can help us bring the cost down, as the miscellaneous expenses are paid for by both myself and Wei Jien -- and the that amount can buy us a brand new car.

Wedding photographers...and old linens

While my wedding planner has most things under control, I can’t help but feel slightly worried about a few things. That includes the wedding venue and one of my photographers.


Christy (one of my bridesmaids) went for a wedding dinner at GD hotel last Saturday and she told me how horribly things went. She took pictures of the whole setup and it was an eye-rolling disaster. I hated almost everything I saw.

Spot the holes!

The linens had holes and they were very noticeable! For a 5-star hotel (yes, I just found out GD is a 5-star hotel), this is totally unacceptable. The bow for the chairs are passé and unsightly, while the fairy lights for the backdrop have seen better days. Parts of the lights were not working, so there were dark patches on the backdrop.

Gold bow? >_<

According to her, the food was not bad. I guess that's partly why my parents wanted to have the wedding dinner at GD. Honestly, I’ve been to 4 weddings at this hotel, and the food was not too bad. I hope the food standard remains this good for my wedding. Presentation and service however, were lacking. Many of the staff were part-timers and they had no clue on how to serve guests.


Christy’s observation was that her waiter stacked up the dirty plates and dumped them into the empty food dish at the centre of the table before carrying it away. How elegant. *roll eyes* Also, the waiter did not replace the plates after clearing away the dirty ones. When Christy asked for Sprite, the waiter told her, “No more”. But there were quite a few bottles left outside the ballroom.


The flower arch is a big no-no for me. Not only does it not fit our wedding theme, it’s also quite ugly. Apparently, the sound system was quite bad and the LCD projectors were not clear enough. Adamas Weddings will be sorting those things out for me.

Mike, with U Mei & I

Michael Yip has agreed to become one of my photographers. He’s good with ambient pictures and I like that he doesn’t make me look fat in pictures. Wei Jien wants Mike to be on the groom’s side for the “jip san leong", and he’s hoping Mike can make him look 10 pounds slimmer (I told him to hit the gym instead). LOL ☺


So far, Mike has been pretty easy to deal with and my planner finds him very pleasant. He’s quick in reverting, which makes things a lot easier for them, and me! Heck, he even offered to teach me how to dance...the bachata. Sorry-lah Mike, I have two left feet and I might end up stepping on you! And I can’t sway my hips the way you do!

My other photographer has been slow in reverting. Adamas Weddings found it difficult to contact him and getting him to send in his quote. He has been busy, but I hope he can give me a quotation/confirmation by the end of April. Otherwise, I’m forced to look for another photographer. We need 2 photographers for the wedding dinner, because I need one photographer all for myself. It’s my big day...so let me be vain!

Wedding Update (28 March 2011)

Things were not so smooth-sailing for our wedding planning (hotel issue), but I managed to get a few things sorted out. Those include deciding on my bridal gowns, theme, colour, video concept and make-up artist/hair stylist.


Kien Ling, my wedding planner accompanied me to the bridal studio to confirm the gowns I want for the pre-wedding shoot. Fiona (the bridal studio's dress consultant) was most helpful and accommodating. She was super patient with my pickiness and her recommendations were pretty spot-on. Fiona spent more than 1 hour convincing me that the can-can dress would look suit me, but I refused to listen. Kien Ling too, tried persuading me to ‘just try and see’. When I finally tried it on, I liked what I saw.


I’ve decided on my bridal gowns for the pre-wedding photography as well as THE gown I will be using on the actual day. It was the only gown that made me go, “Wow. This is it. There’s no other dress like this one”. I won’t be revealing the gowns until the time comes, so you’ll have to wait. :)


As for our ROM, I have chosen and purchased my dress. Actually, it was rif who choose it for me and we’re both pretty pleased with it. You’ll see it when I post pictures of my ROM this coming October 8. I’m pretty excited about it, as my videographer Nigel Sia will be also be documenting it on video.


Wei Jien’s mother has already bought me my wedding kebaya. She scouted for it in KL, before taking me there the next day to try it on. I’m glad we didn’t spend much on it – only RM200 for the kebaya top and silk cloth.

His mum will be making me a pair of Nyonya beaded slippers. She showed me a few designs and colours, before helping me choose the right one to match my wedding kebaya. Honestly, I would prefer that she didn’t make them, as they require a lot of work.

I hope my hairstylist can do this for me! 

I’m still not sure of the hairstyle I want for the ROM and actual day. But I know for sure it’s not going to be an updo. I hated the hairstyles given to me during both Miss Universe Malaysia 2008 and 2010. Those updos made me look like an auntie. I’m thinking of letting it down, with soft curls at the end. Or maybe have half my hair up to hold the tiara/veil properly. I’ll talk to my stylist about this, and let him (yes, it’s a he) decide for me.

Horrible make-up and hairstyle during Miss Universe Malaysia 2010

Miss Malaysia Universe 2008 -- hated the make-up and hair too

I actually like this hairstyle, but I'm worried it might make my face look rounder. ~_~

Bridezilla

The wedding preparations haven’t been easy on Wei Jien and myself. The stress, the cost, the details, problems we’ve encountered working with people, so on and so forth. I’m so irritated with what’s going on it makes me snappy. And please don’t tell me to relax and enjoy the process. It hasn’t been fun.


I always thought I will be an easy-going bride who’s not particular about details, wedding dress, etc. But I was so wrong!


Everything matters to me, from the ballroom and F&B, right up to our wedding outfits. And don’t even get me started on make-up and hair. I’ll share some of my problems here and hopefully, future brides can learn from this.


Parents


I’m really irritated at my parents, I don’t even want to talk to them right now. They wanted to have the wedding dinner at GD (I’ll call it GD to avoid potential lawsuits) long before Wei Jien popped the question. It’s partly because my mum’s friend’s children got married there. Since when do older people succumb to peer pressure?!


When Wei Jien asked them for permission to marry me, they started talking about booking the ballroom at GD. If you don’t believe me, you can ask him. I’m not keen on GD because I don’t like the location and it’s not exactly an ideal wedding venue -- think old carpets, old chandeliers and old linen. For a hotel to charge RM2K (after tax and service charge) per table, it should be in the city and of 5-star standard; not 4-star. In GD's case, I don't think it deserves 4-star.

Mandarin Oriental Kuala Lumpur (google.com)

My reader Mandy's wedding at One World Hotel (picture credit: stories.my)

Because we have so many guests, not many hotels can accommodate us. The only hotels that can are Mandarin Oriental, Hilton Kuala Lumpur, Sunway Hotel Resort & Spa, One World Hotel and GD. The first two hotels are hot favourites among brides, so the next available dates are in March/April 2012 (when I called to enquire in December 2010). Sunway Hotel wasn’t available on November 19, because that date is apparently and auspicious date to get married. For some ridiculous reason, my parents didn’t want a hotel attached to a shopping mall, claiming that it will be noisy, the jam is bad…that kind of bullshit. GD no traffic jam is it?

Sheraton Imperial Kuala Lumpur (google.com)

Le Meridien Kuala Lumpur (google.com)

Places like Prince Hotel, JW Marriot, Ritz-Carlton, Le Meridien, Sheraton Imperial and The Westin cannot accommodate 650 people. I told my parents to keep it small but they insisted on having 35-40 tables. Wei Jien’s parents are taking 15 tables. I have 5 tables and Wei Jien is taking 5 tables himself. As of today (March 24, 2011), we only have 55-57 tables because my parent’s relatives who are overseas cannot attend the wedding. Also, I’m pretty sure another 10-15% of the people they invited will not be attending the dinner. So that makes it about 500 pax. I’m seriously pissed right now, because we can fit 50 tables in Sheraton Imperial and JW Marriot, which is way better than GD if you ask me.


Wei Jien and I were considering Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club or Noble Banquet because they are more affordable and the food is somewhat tastier. When we spoke to my parents about it (I’m only talking about my parents here, because his parents are a lot more carefree), they didn’t agree. For the sheer fact that my father wanted ‘face’ because he’s inviting his business partners and friends. So we had no choice but to settle for GD, the hotel of their choice.


After booking the hotel, my parents had the cheek to tell me that they did it for me, because they thought I wanted a hotel and because they didn’t want to stress Wei Jien out with the wedding cost. (roll eyes) If they were that considerate, they would have agreed to have the wedding at Bukit Kiara or Noble House. And now they want to act all noble….as though they did us a favour by choosing GD.






Emcee


I initially had an emcee (a friend offered to do it as a wedding gift). But due to a miscommunication with the wedding planner’s assistant and him, I now have no emcee. I’m annoyed at the assistant, but I’m more annoyed at my friend because he didn’t even give me a chance to explain things.






Wedding planner


Our wedding planner went to Las Vegas for a month, leaving us in the good hands of her assistant, who wasn’t so sure about things. She is a really nice girl, but I am a difficult bride. Fortunately, our wedding planner is back from her trip and she just gave us a proposal, which comprised things we liked, and things we didn’t like. At least we liked half of what she had to suggest. Of course, we didn’t like the wedding budget, so Wei Jien (being the auditor he is) has asked that she revise it accordingly.




ROM Venue


Since we have no $$ left for anything, we were looking for an affordable ROM venue. When I say affordable, I mean RM25 per person inclusive of drinks. I initially wanted to do it at my house, but it won’t be that cheap as I have to fork out extra $$ for tents, chairs, food, etc.


I initially wanted to have my ROM at my favourite hangout place in PJ. But since both our I.Cs bear a KL address, we can only have the ROM in KL. I’m annoyed that the planner didn’t tell me this earlier.

Do you really think JPN Putrajaya is an ideal marriage registration venue?! Somebody shoot me please.  

If you think like this friend of mine who told me to ‘just go to Putrajaya and register your marriage there”, you’re missing out on the point. The wedding dinner belongs to my parents. But the ROM is mine and I’m going to make sure I have it my way.


My parents are not paying for this so they have no say on what I do with my ROM. In fact, I’m tempted to not invite them because I’m that angry with them. They already decided on the wedding dinner venue -- I’m not letting them ruin my ROM with their constant comments and silly suggestions. I might change my mind when things are looking better, but for now, I won’t be letting my parents anywhere near my ROM planning.

Wei Jien's sister's garden wedding at The Royale Chulan. Decor was not bad but the food sucked. 

At this rate of going, I have a feeling my wedding at GD will be far worse. Wedding planner, help!!

The Hotel -- GD


I almost drove to the hotel to strangle the liaison manager (let’s call her A) yesterday. She will be leaving the hotel soon, and left me in the good hands of her new and inexperienced colleague. This new wedding coordinator was formerly in the oil and gas industry, and she’s in charge of my wedding?! I flipped. Big time.


My wedding planner met them a few days ago but didn’t want to tell me about it until she finalised a few things. And also because she knew I would react this way. But A emailed me informing me of the change and I lost my cool. I think she was shocked, because when I met her to pay for the deposit in December 2010, I was really nice.


See, she informed my wedding planner that if we rented GD’s projector and sound system, we would need to hire help to get it up and running. What the hell for? I’m renting the LCD projector for RM1,250++ (per unit), and GD can’t even supply the manpower? I asked A about this and got really pissed off when she said this, “You can ask your family members to play the slideshow for you”.


When I told her that was a ridiculous suggestion, she then proceeded to tell me to get one of my friends to do it. That was when I went ballistic on her. I mean, seriously?! People go to weddings to enjoy themselves, not to play slideshows. And they give ang pow for what? To work the big screen the whole night?! Moron.


So I gave her an earful for 20 minutes. I know I was a bitch, but she hit a lot of my nerves. I felt slightly guilty later on, but when I recall the stupid things she said, I didn’t feel that bad yelling at her. A, you seriously need to learn to think carefully before blurting out preposterous suggestions to your clients.


I’ll leave this mess to my wedding planner to fix. And hopefully, I’ll have a smooth-flowing wedding reception come November 19.




To all the girls out there: 


If you want a fairytale wedding, I suggest you think again. Is the stress worth it? I’m not even doing a fairytale wedding, and my wedding already cost slightly over RM200,000! I should have just eloped.

Wedding Videographer - Nigel Sia

rif and I have engaged in Nigel Sia’s videography services for our big day. I met Nigel about 2 years back, when he was working with my friend Micheal in an advertising agency. I chose Nigel after watching his video Mike + Shannon. Love the concept and storyline.

First round of ideas

Nigel understands my style quite well (after a short chat) and is open to suggestions. My first meeting with him was at the wedding planner’s office. We talked about the wedding videos I've watched and liked, what I wanted in my wedding video and a little bit about rif and myself. Nigel took notes and threw in a few ideas of his own.

rif sharing his thoughts with Nigel

We met up last Thursday to touch base on the video direction and concept rif and I wanted. For a groom, rif had a lot of input, which was a good thing! He told Nigel about our dating days, how he proposed, the things he did prior to the proposal, etc.

Nigel gave us some suggestions and we were both pleased with what he proposed to do. Location might be a problem, but I will talk to the people in charge to see if I can get permission to film in those places.

Those issues aside, things are looking good from the videography side. I can’t wait to see the Nigel’s storyboard on the proposed concept for our wedding video! *rubs hands in glee*

Check out Nigel's blog HERE and view his videos HERE.